Watch: Franchesca Ramsey’s powerful video about rape and victim blaming is more relevant than ever.
I am so sorry for what has happened to you but fuck off with that bullshit with “teach men not to rape”.
Seriously. Fuck you.
UM. We need to teach EVERYONE about the bounds of consent. And if you watch the video I say so. So yes, we need to teach everyone INCLUDING MEN, that someone who is unconscious cannot consent. Sex without consent is RAPE. This is something MANY people don’t understand and it needs to be taught instead of telling anyone (but women specifically) that certain behavior can prevent you from being raped. FYI you don’t get a say in how I talk about or respond to my sexual assault story or what I choose to do with my voice.
So seriously? Fuck you.
Shikarosez, do you really think that we shouldn’t teach boys and young men not to rape? Do you really think that “Fuck off with that bullshit” is an appropriate way to call someone out? Do you really feel that there was no other way to express what was bothering you? Do you think that’s a compassionate way to talk to a fellow victim?
As a survivor of female-on-female rape, I get it. I really do. I’m also sick of people assuming that the aggressor will always be a man and that the victim will always be a woman. Anyone, regardless of ability, sex, gender identity, or even age, can be a perpetrator OR a victim.
But I also have to recognize that the majority of rapes are male-on-female. In a world where most men are, generally speaking, more powerful than most women, it’s an assumption that is built into the way we’re socialized.
Little girls are taught that they need to look and act a certain way to avoid being victimized. Little boys aren’t taught appropriate boundaries, because they’re not taught to think about rape as part of daily life at all. It leaves both male and female victims wondering if there’s something wrong with them when they do get hurt.
And you’re right; on the flip side, women are thought to be too weak to “really” rape someone, particularly a man. In that context, women aren’t taught what is and isn’t appropriate behavior either.
It may seem obvious to you that Rape Is Evil, but what does and doesn’t constitute rape is often a matter of confusion. Just check out this article by the Washington Post about how college students responded when asked whether certain situations constituted consent: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/americas-students-are-deeply-divided-on-the-meaning-of-consent-during-sex/2015/06/11/bbd303e0-04ba-11e5-a428-c984eb077d4e_story.html. Or just look at the short-lived popularity of “Blurred Lines”.
Pretty much everyone knows that using physical force to penetrate someone is rape. But not everyone understands that consent can’t be given while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, when there’s a great power difference, or when some information is missing. When s/he doesn’t feel safe saying “NO,” or when s/he is unable to give an informed, enthusiastic “YES,” it’s rape. And there are many situations that are nuanced, say, by misinformation. For example, someone who has sex while concealing their STD + status may be considered to have committed rape.
Finally, I’m deeply sorry for what happened to you. No matter what you did, there was nothing that you did to “deserve” being sexually violated.
It may seem obvious to you that Rape Is Evil, but what does and doesn’t constitute rape is often a matter of confusion.
Pretty much everyone knows that using physical force to penetrate someone is rape. But not everyone understands that consent can’t be given while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, when there’s a great power difference, or when some information is missing. When s/he doesn’t feel safe saying “NO,” or when s/he is unable to give an informed, enthusiastic “YES,” it’s rape.
^^^^^ THIS is what so many are missing. This is what I mean by teaching people the bounds of consent. There are plenty of situations where someone has been raped and their rapist genuinely doesn’t understand that consent wasn’t given. This idea that rape only happens with a stranger is why so many don’t come forward. This is what “teach not to rape” means. We’re not saying, teach people not to attack people on the street, we’re saying teach what consent means so more people feel empowered to say no, and more are aware that they need an enthusiastic yes before moving forward.
