- Nononono. If I lose you and your videos... I hope you lose the Kardashians! Or were your tags a joke? Either way, my poor little black heart hurts :(darthxpanda
To be completely honest, I cannot see myself making YouTube videos (on my personal channel) for another year, for a variety of reasons I assume I’ll talk about when the time comes. Or maybe I’ll just leave and never talk about it because most aspects have already been talked to death by various people (including myself) over the past several years. And I also think I’ve learned that talking about it doesn’t really help change anything. I always sort of thought I’d finally be ready to go when I’d come to terms with things and no longer felt the need to explain them.
It’s just a mix of companies trying to take a piece of out everything I do, ulterior motives, bad comments, bad people, bad vibes. Everyone I really care about left years ago, and I sort of admire them for that. It can really rip out your soul and make you feel like shit. YouTube is TV now anyway. All vlogs are just part of the same formula, and the viewers don’t decide on what’s good or not anymore. And the people who think any sort of communal aspects still exist are delusional beyond belief.
And then just some bad things have happened in my personal life over the past year that I’m not ready to talk about either. And it’s weird that there are people (and this isn’t directed at the lovely person who sent the question) who expect me to explain my personal life just because I happen to put myself out there in other ways. It’s all just very dehumanizing the way everyone treats each other on the Internet, and very damaging psychologically and physically.
It’s no secret my views are dwindling, and for the first time in years I’ve been in the red with my subscriber count a few times. I’m tired of my self-worth being connected to those things, and I’m tired of it making me feel bad, and of all the skeezy things I feel like I have to do to stay interesting or relevant.
I’m also not haughty enough to believe I’m some important figure and that it really matters if I’m there or not. I wasn’t generation 1, and I wasn’t generation 2+. I was some sort of weird generation 1.5 YouTuber, sandwiched between what the site used to be and what the site has now become. I will go someday and the site will continue and people will go on with their lives.
Meh, now is not the time to go into it anyway. I’m not quite ready to quit. As of now, my heart is still in my videos (and the videos I make for other projects) and I still have things I want to create, so I’ll keep making vids until that desire is gone. I just assume it will be in the next year or so, but who knows?
Anyway, none of those things were directed at the person who sent me this. Just rambling on.
edited to add: I didn’t write this post, but I’m a big fan of Joe’s and I can totally understand where he’s coming from with this response. Just wanted to offer him a little encouragement and solidarity xo